The box...
I've come across a lot of articles and blogs about sex and relationships and happiness lately. I'm sure it's not a trend out of the ordinary but probably something that I need more of in my life.
I've been stuck on this god-forsaken truck for just about two months. When I was assigned the truck it had a generally clean appearance to it. For having a ton of miles on it, I was impressed. Aaand then I drove it down the road. It's only an eight speed. For those who drive manual transmissions, the performance behind shifting this thing is like starting your car out in first gear then having to shift all the way to fourth gear to accelerate. Literally, it's just like that. It sucks ass. I'll be maxed out on RPMs even with a light load and go to shift to the next gear and it damn near stalls out. The RPMs are immediately too low for the turbo to kick in so I end up having to slam it back into the higher gear and run up the RPMs.... Can this fuckin' thing just blow up already? I could really use a splitter these days...
Not sure why I decided to write all that, but at least I got it off my chest... Speaking of chest, I finally saw a pair of naked boobs in a car this week! The highlight of my life right now. But really, what's the point of seeing boobs if you can't do anything with em'?
Ya know what I miss? Blow jobs? Nah... Never been a big fan of those... Beer? Well, yea but it'll come soon enough... I miss something I've never quite had completely... A relationship...
The regular sex, and cuddling and general companionship is of course on the list of what I miss, but I want something more. I'm a weird dude, ain't gunna lie. I don't know what it is that turns people off so much but I constantly try to figure it out... Reminds me of when I got a job recently and I asked one of the workers what everyone thought of me. (This place had mostly females)... I wanted workable feedback but all I got was... 'Well, we all think you're hot'... Seriously? 'And *name omitted* thinks you have a nice butt... Oops, was that not want you meant?' Anyways, I don't think I'm overly attractive either, but people generally only want what's on the surface, and my 'surface' is not meant to impress...
So how the hell do I wade through the rubbage to find the pool of compatible companions? Dating sucks... Being friends sucks... Putting on a front sucks... Sometimes I don't see the meaning in being cordial with certain people because they make it so very apparent that they could really care less...
And being stuck in this fuckin' box doesn't help either. And it's not just about being on the truck. It's about being stuck in this box of a life I've managed to find myself in. I have tunnel vision when it comes to focusing where I want to go next. No one wants to come along for that crazy ride right? I sure as hell wouldn't want to be by my side right now...
I'm perfectly content being just the way I am right now. I've got no one to answer to and very few people text me any more so I don't have to stress about what someone will think if I don't text back right away. And call me? Hah! Right... I've felt more love and attention from the leasing agent at the apartment complex than anyone else in the past many years of my life...
For people who have been single for a great majority of their life, none of this is new. The single life is great for some things, and crappy for others... I'm just really tired of living my life just for myself. Hell, even if it's a relationship of predetermined length I'd be happy...( well, actually that might suck at the end...)
This blog went nowhere... Go figure... Whatever weird muscle ailments animals get when they are caged for too long is probably what I'm getting now... Getting fat is one of those ailments... I get out of the truck lately and the first ten steps are walking like I have a stick up my ass. I'm done now...