Defining me...

Our character and personality obviously define who we are in respect to how others see us. We could be the quiet one or maybe the weird one. Maybe we are the overconfident or obnoxious one. Too many options to really list here. I tend to have my own personal classifications of people that would otherwise seem like I'm being judgmental. I don't feel guilty for classifying people for my own purpose simply because its my personal definition of them. 'He's a nice guy' has the same weight and functionality as saying 'he's kinda weird.' Not sure why I brought that aspect up but my real motivation for writing this tonight is about not losing who we are as a person.

A fair number of us may know of someone from the north visiting the south. Whether its defined or not, some people come back with a slight drawl. Of course it all depends on length of time and the specific locale, but you understand. We pick up on the actions and behaviors of others a little more than we may admit. When we aren't surrounded by it things tend to wear off. This concept goes for quite a bit in our lives. Unfortunately some of the effects of this aren't as innocent as picking up a drawl in our voice.

I'm a firm believer that nearly everything that happens in our life can be attributed to one of our deliberate choices in the past. It's a cynical approach but I don't mean it to be for the purpose of placing blame. Random car accident? Well, if you never got in the car it may not have happened right? Lung cancer? Unless its genetic, maybe it has to do with your exposure to cigarettes or chemicals. What I'm getting at is although some correlations are quite far off as far as being accountable for, some things we can't excuse as being simple circumstance. Amongst other things I'm sure, we are defined by the decisions (conscious or not) that we make in life.

Though I've experienced it for longer than I can remember, this past year and half of my life has brought something important to the forefront of my attention. Certain friendships aren't worth getting into. I like to think I'm a pretty stalwart person when it comes to staying true to who I am. I'll adjust fire sometimes to attempt an easier coexistence with my peers. I allowed myself to fall into a rut of drama, drinking and stagnation. The company I've kept has had little positive effect on who I am as a person. If anything it has strengthened my opinion about the overall decline in positive human interaction. I see others falling into ruts of their own.

We tend to look for acceptance from some other avenue of our lives. It could be from family, friends, coworkers or simply random people. Even us gypsies have a desire to fit into a segment of humanity. Seems that sometimes we find ourselves in a vulnerable position and end up being accepted by the easier options that don't serve us quite as well as we deserve. We become what we surround ourselves with. Mediocrity. If I become a member of a group that only paints with three colors I may end up spending a fair portion of my life not experiencing the infinite possibilities elsewhere. Though some people may be perfectly content with this notion, I don't want to be. This concept embraces our social, family and professional lives just as equally.

I can only be concerned a little bit for where other people may be headed in their own lives. It's their prerogative. I think we all need to be a little more aware of certain choices we make. I know however that I need to pay a little more attention to the choices I make. I'm paying dearly for things I decided in my past and sometimes get myself down on it. The effect of these things has taken a toll on being the person I want to be. Saying a 'dollar saved is a dollar earned' can apply to much more than currency. What we invest in ourselves and the accountability of our actions determines what our worth will be later on in life. I'm trying my damnedest to start anew and make every decision count for something. For what matters to me at least. I want to invest in the future that I hope to have. Wherever that is, and whoever that's with.