Explainable haze pt. 1

Oh my. So much to say right now with so little structure. If my life was a movie right now, today would be the aftermath of an experience that left me hung out to dry. All these profound thoughts that I've had lately seem to mean nothing for some reason. Whatever has just happened to me seems to be dragging me back to a reality that I don't know much of. This reality is what seems that everyone else knows of. I'm sure my twin in the parallel universe is laughing at me right now because I'm not catching on to something right in front of my face.

I want to write about finding god. The issue I have with that right now is the quantification of god as it applies to my interpretation. To say that god simply 'is' serves none of us. It's a cop-out for a lack of understanding. I say 'god' because its simple. Whatever it is, big or small is irrelevant to what I'm hoping to convey here.

I came up with a catch phrase for myself in regard to where I've been able to find god. I don't feel the desire to spell out my entire theory on it right now. I will choose one area that I feel is important in finding this elusive concept that we convince ourselves we should understand.

I've found god in the battlefield. Not through direct warfare but through the immersion into a world where the human condition comes alive. What people live and die for baffles me at times. To each their own. Our battlefield doesn't have to be at war though. It can be within our family, church, school, groups or anything with a communal structure. Maybe even a place of work. It could also be amongst the issues of race or gender. If we dissect our interactions with other people we may notice some continuity within our souls. If we responsibly allow ourselves to be consumed by social interaction we may find a deeper meaning within ourselves. Understanding others may be a little more of an elusive realization. Coexisting is undeniably part of who we are as a species. As we play our parts in this life, something else is happening. All the variables in this universe are being orchestrated either by random movement or divine intervention. Regardless of what is causing it, the movement of everything is what keeps us going forward. At least it keeps me motivated to look ahead. If we can look beyond what we become consumed with, we may just see something a little more enlightening than some quotes being transcribed into thumbnail pictures shared all over social media.

The paradox in my idea here is being able to look beyond what we are consumed by, by allowing ourselves to be consumed by it. I wouldn't expect anyone to understand what the war experience can do for a human soul if they haven't been immersed in it. Just the same as I can't understand the effect of religious activity as it applies to the advancement of society. I've actively denied the validity of organized religion and I think it's merely incubating ignorance. In recent time I've immersed myself in a less volatile situation to not only allow for personal growth, but to understand how a certain part of our society works. Quite honestly it's annoying. 'Higher education' provided by institutions is a crock. Too much of it doesn't enforce critical thinking and advancement beyond the status quo. Annoying as it is though, I'm learning from it more than I've ever thought possible. My soul feels drained. I find it hard to look anyone in the eyes and peer into their soul. The massive voids soak up any desire I have to bond on a deeper level.

This idea comes to a halt right now because my next vehicle for finding god will be in a later blog. Finding god in the bedroom. We cannot rely simply on our role in social confines to find the answers we yearn for. Stay tuned.