Slut

Though this is meant to really start at the first of the year, I figure I might as well try to get myself in the habit of writing as much as possible so I don't falter in my goal. These are filler topics for me. Nothing less important than anything else, but something to get the cobwebs out.

An ex girlfriend of mine used to love having sex. Not with me so much. My god she was a slut. I was twenty one and she was twenty nine. Why it happened I will never know. I really thought she was out of my league. Eh, didn't matter because alcohol seemed to be the social lubricant needed to make things work out in the beginning. We had a good night together within the first week or so. I felt the weird fuzzy feeling when we parted ways. Little did I know that the 'fuzzy' feeling was actually the green monster. Jealousy. She told me that she had to go see a friend of hers that was in prison. A little weird I thought but whatever. I just met this girl and I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. As she was driving to Aberdeen (a few hours away), we talked on the phone. I wanted to assure her that I wasn't a jealous kind of guy and that if I'm going to have a relationship with someone that honesty and openness would have to be paramount for it to work. She agreed and we talked on and on about it. Upon her arrival to the prison she cut off the conversation and told me she'd call me later. She was going to stay in a campground that night since she didn't want to worry about a hotel. This should have been my first red flag. Conveniently there was 'no cell service' at the campground so she'd just talk to me in the morning. "How cool is it to have someone I can trust!" I thought.

Years later I went to visit her while she bar-tended at a local steak house. A not so mutual friend came in as well to see her. Lets call him 'Chris'. She got really nervous and I could tell I wasn't welcome anymore. He was a strapping man; muscular, long hair. Fabio-ish. I started to leave and she decided to greet Chris by giving him a huge hug and a kiss on the cheek. "So good to see you! I haven't seen you since you stayed the night with me after we visited *** (guy in prison)" he exclaimed.

Later that night shit hit the fan. Why I stayed with her for another few years, I'll admit later on. When everything was squeezed out, she admitted she went and saw him that night only to accept his marriage proposal. Apparently through the course of our relationship, they had a 'falling out' and she broke it off with him.

Years later I find myself living on a sailboat. Small yet livable for one guy. My neighbors were fun loving, retired old farts with nothing better to do than get drunk, gawk at women and sometimes smoke a little weed. I loved them!

I was walking down to my boat one day after work and Paul was having a little party on his boat. I saw a handful of guys a few women and some hands holding up solo cups full of margaritas. "No thanks guys I have... actually I have nothing to do, mix me a fresh one!" I was introduced to everyone there including this gangly looking man without a shirt. His name was Chris. (His name is actually a little more peculiar than Chris so it was easily identifiable as being unique). I greeted him by saying "You slept with my ex... Several times! And you were going to marry that whore?" He was looking for a way to jump off that boat and get the hell out of dodge. What he quickly learned was that I had zero ill-feelings towards him. "At least someone had a good time with her," I expressed. The mood lightened quite a bit and we drank a few more. He never actually knew of me back when I (we) were seeing this girl.

As I found myself in this weird predicament, I was dumbfounded at why I was so intimidated by this guy long ago. He was actually scared of me now? I'm not a big guy by any means but if you've ever read "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" you'll know size doesn't matter. All of a sudden after all those years of feeling inferior because I was cheated on so much, I felt like a new person. I was, and am in fact, much better of a person than people have given me credit for. My standards were officially raised at that point. There's about four other guys I could talk about her sleeping with during our relationship but who wants to hear that.

I'm at a crossroads again in my life and I have to find a way to shake the prejudices about starting a relationship with someone. People have their own lives and who am I to expect a complete one-eighty from someone just because I want to feel secure from day one. What my ex and many others never seem to understand is that honesty truly is the most important thing. Some things are hard to admit, I know. If you're going to keep it a secret, you better have all your bases covered.

Aside from that, she was a great person.