Melt...

Back in a hotel room for the weekend. My sleep cycle is completely fucked up right now and I’m feeling very reflective right now. My duffel bag of choice for the next adventure in my life is sitting on my bed with an airline tag from a trip to California a few years back when I took a driving job. That was a month after I sold my restaurant that essentially drained my soul of everything I thought I knew I wanted. The story is getting old yet there’s something important in the details that I can’t quite come to terms with.

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After looking at this tag, I begin to reflect on the countless trips I’ve taken in search for something bigger and better than the life I’ve been living. Whether it’s cross country, across oceans or across social comfort zones, I keep coming back to this common starting point. I’ve sold off or donated almost everything I own. My storage unit has a greater percentage of useless business paperwork than actual items that I want to hold on to. A part of me would say I’m happier because of the cleansing I’ve made on my life recently. This isn’t the first time I’ve been in this very spot. Simply getting rid of stuff isn’t the end of the story though. It’s time to start filling my life with things I really want... Again...

I do want a new car... and a decent place to lay my head at night but that’s about the extent of material possessions I want to accept right now. As I was driving this afternoon to grab a bite to eat I had one of those moments that I know we’ve all had one time or another. A song by Phil Roy came on and reminded me of a particular time in my life when everything made perfect sense. It was at a Starbucks in Newport Beach, CA and everything felt perfect. It was a near perfect day as I sat on the patio in an element that actually truly made me happy. On the road today, everything made sense just the same and I felt the fire inside me well up and the weight on my shoulders lifted just long enough for me to actually breathe. I think I’m on the right path. The things I want in my life is exactly the feeling I got in Newport... but with someone by my side that actually wants to be there with me.

I can’t stop dreaming. I can’t stop moving and changing. I can’t fight the urge to want more out of this life no matter what I’m doing. A life of complete complacency is not my thing. Though I try to live within acceptable norms as to not create too much turmoil,  I wonder if crossing the line a few times would set me in a completely new realm.

I really need to get out more... My life is getting boring again...