Nine lives...

I wish I could write for days about this next topic. How things come around full circle. I had a conversation last night with one of my best friends and the concept came up. I'm a skeptical believer in fate. I'm skeptical because I don't want to assume that it is necessarily because of divine intervention. However things happen, purposeful or not, I think there is some sort of reason. If anything it is for the education of our souls doing time here on this earth. Through further analysis of my opinions and beliefs, one may wonder why the hell I even care about things. I project an opinion that life is a joke. Truth is, while we shouldn't take things too seriously, I believe we need to take heed to what is happening to us every second of every day. Realizing that our existence is ultimately pointless in the grand scheme of things, brings me to the next truth... The grand scheme of things that we are a part of, is why we need to wake the fuck up, become what we need to be and manifest into something that takes full advantage of the countless resources we have available that we otherwise piss on.

Back to earth for a moment. I'm reminded of Columbia Park in Kennewick before I shipped off to basic training. I had recently quit my job as manager of a local Papa Murphy's and was working a temp position as a garbage man. One of the coolest jobs by the way. At the end of my day I'd ride my bike (pedal type) down to the park and reflect on the mess that my life had become. I'd listen to U2 on my portable CD player sometimes. The songs had a weird meaning to me that reminds me of this portion of life. Though it wasn't the most glamorous time in my life, the memory of the music and my times of reflection put me in a bit of a better mood. One of the thoughts I had was how different my life was about to become. How different it became for sure. I never imagined sitting in that park ever again.

I had a handful of things in storage that I would end up getting after basic training. When I came home from airborne school for some leave, I bought a pickup truck and was able to put everything I owned in the bed of this truck. No exaggeration on the amount of things I had. My leave got cut short and I had to beat feet to Fort Bragg, NC. It would be about a thirty eight hour drive from Washington to North Carolina. The truck was fairly newish but as I passed through the Tri Cities (for those unfamiliar, it's the place I'm talking about above with the park) the tensioner had started squealing and was just about to fall off. I had to stop at a local dealer to have it fixed under the warranty. As I sat there waiting, the irony was killing me. I couldn't get away form this place! Luckily, they fixed it in a few hours and I mobbed down to NC. I actually made it in thirty three hours. I slept about four of those hours.

After so many years of this new life I was living, it's funny how things worked out. Prior to selling my restaurant I had done a little research on flight schools that the VA would pay for. Amazingly, the one school that I would be eligible for was right here in Washington. Moses Lake to be exact. By the time I sold my place, I still had quite a few months before I could even start this program. Once the logistics were taken care of and the school was in line, the thoughts of irony crept in again. Moses Lake is just over an hour drive from the Tri Cities. Over the past year or so, I'd take some road trips down there and though I don't go to see anyone, it's nice to reminisce about how things were, are, and could be in the future. Just a week or so ago, I went to the mall there to get some shoes. On the way back I stopped at the park and by total chance, a U2 song came over pandora. How in the hell did I end up back here after all I've been through?

I started to get down on myself until I realized something extremely important in the matter. Whether it was because of my subconscious directive to put me in the situation I am, or some other influence, this is actually a full circle experience that I need to wake up to. It's my own second chance. Assuming I don't go crazy while going to this school, I will end up with a Commercial Pilot License and a world of opportunity. I also have my Commercial Driver License, so getting a job for income won't be an issue wherever I decide to go. I also have the ability to open another restaurant. I'm damn good at a lot of things and though they may not be the most prestigious titles that I hold, I don't have much to worry about. I'm only a few months away from making my next move in life. I want it to be good. It's no longer out of desperation like it was years ago. There's some worn out reasons as to why I'm a little hesitant to decide on what to do right now, but this blog is one vehicle I'm using to come to terms with some realities that I need to accept.

The conversation I had last night had to do with someone in my life that is more important to me than I gave her full credit for over the past many years. A little proof of that has to do with something that I saved specifically for her even through other girlfriends and shitty times in my life. This particular story I want to save for later but it was brought to my attention that life has a funny way of making circles. Figuring out what I'm supposed to do with my thoughts on situations is difficult. Seeing opportunities come back around in my life gives me hope that maybe, just maybe, I'm close to being on the right track. It's either that, or I'm being tested not to be irrational about things and I need to chill out. Moving along from my current life will be pivotal in the next chapter of my life, no matter what I do. There's no way it can't. All I know, as I say over and over, life is about to get really good. Until then, my day to day is simply running around... In circles.